Apr. 26th, 2017 02:44 pm
diaryofarider: (Default)
[personal profile] diaryofarider
Oh, I'm in a bad mood. I just want to bite something. Work has been really busy lately, and while it keeps me from being bored, I'm just tired and pissy. People keep asking me stuff and I can't get anything finished, and I'm stupid for not putting myself on busy/unavailable.

The weather has something to do with it too I'm sure, temp dropped and it rained last night, so I'm sure that is affecting me. There's also the question of "What are your professional goals" that's being asked at work, and so I have to think about this, and I hate thinking about this. I don't have any real career goals anymore. I haven't in over a decade. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I'm fine for now with where I am. It's not ideal but the ship for my ideal has sailed. I am too old and not talented enough for it, if the ideal ever even existed and wasn't just a dream vs. another harsh reality. I don't have a new dream for what I want to be when I grow up, and I feel a little guilty about that, and a little defensive, and a little angry. I don't want to set the world on fire, I just want to not make it worse. But probably I have to tell some pretty little lie so that I'm not worthless because I have no ambition. Be motivated (or else you're too lazy) but not TOO motivated (or you're a flight risk). Though actually I'm not sure the latter part of that is true any more- companies often just want the most units of work per employee stint (or sprint, as is so common in techspeak these days) in the shortest time possible, and a short shelf life is ok. It isn't about a person, or his/her burnout, because that can't happen, because we are all so MOTIVATED. Anyway. Midlife crisis or something.

Did I mentioned it has rained and so I haven't ridden for the past 2 days?
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