And so it begins- a not so brief history

I've been working with my trainer, Peggy, for about 3 years now. I help her with her website, and she felt that people would enjoy reading about what learning dressage is really like, so I'm going to try keeping a journal just for that.
My background: I grew up in rural Illinois and I nagged my parents for a pony since the age of about 5. The yard was a third of an acre and that seemed like plenty of room for a pony to me. Neither of my parents were into horses, and hoped I would outgrow my obsession, but my grandfather grew up on a farm and happily encouraged me, telling me horse stories from his youth.
Eventually when I was in sixth grade I found out a friend at school was taking riding lessons about 3 miles away from our house, for the bargain price of $7/hr. My parents agreed to let me try. My first instructor, Linda, asked me if I wanted to learn English or Western. My mind filled with images of Billy and Blaze, and the little blond girl in her hunt cap and english saddle, sitting on her palomino pony as they stood in a golden field of wheat (from my horse picture book)and I immediately answered "English!".
My first mount was a bay welsh pony named King. He was extremely tolerant (unless you kicked him into a canter by slamming your heels into his flanks- then he would buck ^_^) and I thought he was absolutely great. He had to be, to put up with me. I was not a natural. It took me two months to learn to post the trot. Linda later told me that she had desperately hoped I would quit. "You were so bad," she said, "I just kept hoping you would quit but you just kept coming."
What I lacked in talent I more than made up for in enthusiasm. I could barely wait for the days between lessons to pass. Eventually I managed to acquire some skill in spite of myself, and moved on to various horses- the eighteen year old palamino mare who I thought was perfect, the chestnut retired racehorse who broke my heart when he was sold after I'd been riding him for two years. Sugar, the little bay quarter horse mare who used to stop before a jump and then bunnyhop over it with all 4 feet leaving the ground at the same time, jarring the hell out of me.
When I was 14 my parents and grandparents surprised me with my first horse. I was utterly shocked and thrilled. Doc's Deja Vu was a reining/cutting horse gone bad. He was a recently gelded 4 year old quarter horse purchased for $850. By this point it had been discovered that my optimism, enthusiasm, and persistence made me good at reschooling horses, and so I ended up with Doc, a surprisingly nice gelding with a bad reputation. I had him untill college, and we showed in hunter classes, trail classes, and even won our first mini-event together. We had a few dressage lessons with a german trainer, which I really enjoyed and I always tried to keep his instruction in mind when I rode. We competed in a few dressage shows at training and first level, and even beat some nice warmbloods. Doc was a wonderful horse and it was very hard to sell him.
A few years went by and I graduated from CSU and got married. Soon after, I bought a 4 year old thoroughbred mare from off the track. Darma was a sweet, 16 hand chestnut, and was accident prone- she managed to cut her hock, slice open her jaw (on what, we never really could discover) and then she colicked. She recovered from everything though, and things seemed to be going well when my husband and I bought our first house in the Denver suburbs. Then my husband got laid off and was out of work for almost a year, and I had to sell her.
About three years passed, and once again the horse craving nagged at me. I tried to ignore it, but eventually started looking for dressage barns in my area. Although I had a great time jumping I wasn't very good at it and I don't really have the courage for anything over a couple of feet, and I had always loved dressage. I e-mailed Peggy and started taking lessons with her.
I still don't have my own horse and I probably won't for a while- I'm pretty broke most of the time especially since I had my first child last year. But that hasn't stopped me from learning dressage, in fact it may actually have helped some, because even when things are going well I can't afford the nice horses I've been able to ride. My current mount is Phoebus, an 8 year old Swedish warmblood gelding. His owner is pretty busy and doesn't have much time to ride, so I've been riding him a couple of times a week and taking lessons on him. He's taught me a lot, and I'm really enjoying it.

Smiley faces on your knees

I noticed my core strength seems to have increased and it is helping a lot for maintaining my position-I'm not struggling so much to sit up now.
I had a baby last year and of course I gained weight and got out of shape. I've lost about 40 pounds since November and have been riding a couple of times a week. I'm starting to see my abs and they're helping me sit correctly. I've been able to stay on horses pretty well for the last decade, but I haven't looked very good doing it and I haven't been using my body to it's best advantage.
I got to ride Peggy's lovely 16.3 dapple grey Trakhner stallion Leroy in my last lesson. Leroy was fun- he's a former hunter being reschooled in dressage, and his gaits are so nice. He's exciting because he's young and talented, and seems to volunteer a bit of himself from time to time "Wait, let me try that again, I think I can do it better....". That's such a wonderful quality in a horse. He even did some really nice canter departs when I was not asking well. Which isn't to say he's an easy ride- there were a few times I asked for a trot and he pretty much told me to go jump in a lake. It's a bit disconcerting to have ridden as long as I have and feel a horse root to the ground and turn to stone, and know that you're not going to budge him if he doesn't want to go. I've only ridden stallions a few times and they still intimidate me. I'm sure that it's just a matter of getting inside his head and knowing how he thinks and then using that to get him to do what you tell him even when he doesn't want to, but I'm not used to it yet. Hmph. MEN. There's a lot to be said for eunuchs.
When Leroy does trot though, it's amazing. He has wonderful suspension, springing off his feet and then floating above the ground for a moment. It's that trademark warmblood trot, and it's really something.
Constantly working on my position, Peggy tells me to imagine I have smiley faces drawn on my knees, and they need to look at the ground. This makes me laugh very hard and she tells me this is a trick she uses on the little kids. She offers to draw some on my black breeches with chalk. I decline, and attempt to correct my legs without being utterly humiliated into it.
After my lesson I rode Phoebus and he was like "Oh crap, you're all ready to go, and I'm not!!!" He objected by sticking his nose up in the air as he does from time to time- he usually travels in an elegant frame but when he is feeling rebellious he shoves his nose in the air like a donkey braying. Peggy has nicknamed him "Eyore" and it suits him perfectly.
I tried bringing his nose toward my foot so he has to really bend and stretch his neck, and did it to either side- the stretching seemed to help him some as far as not getting stuck. Horsie yoga! ;) I also kept thinking about the smiley face knees and cracking up- anyone seeing me would have thought I was insane- I would just suddenly bust out laughing out of nowhere...I feel both sheepish and glad because the truth is that it helps- I tend to bring my inside leg up and tense it instead of stretching it down when I want the horse to move over.
Anyway, I got Phoebus working much faster than usual and worked his little butt off - (funny how small he felt after Leroy). Peggy had said that she did about a million transitions with Leroy every time she rode to improve his gaits. I've been trying to do more transitions with Phoebus anyway because I realized ours were not very good (Kay we're gonna walk at E...um...okay maybe H...Dangit...we're finally walking... oh but look, we're at C.) so that reinforces the idea. I've been concentrating on really making him bring his shoulders in more and it's helping- I got some of the best right lead (and left) transitions we've done. Which isn't to say he was 100% -- he wasn't- more like 60 or 70%, but I am starting to feel exactly when I lose him and also starting to know right away when he takes the wrong lead. I try not to stress about it because then my cues just get worse.
I've been thinking about how horses move to the next level not necessarily by learning a new skill, but by getting stronger and more flexible so that they can handle executing those skills better and with more energy, and can perform a movement or a stride more easily and more often. If it's easier for me to put myself in the right position and maintain it when I'm stronger and more flexible, it's logical that the same should hold true for the horse too.
Peggy and I were talking about how many riders are perpetually at training level. I have been for a long time. Yeah, I've ridden a couple of first level tests, but I never really pushed and I maintained the training level mindset. It happens a lot when you get very green horses, then reschool them to training level, and then they get sold and you start with another. You might do a few things from a higher level, but you don't master everything at that level and then move on to the next, instead you get into a rut and stagnate at walk, trot, canter, and circles.
I looked at the USEF tests the other night and read through them. I thought about how it would be to ride each one, and looked at first level and said "yeah, I think we could do that" and then second level "yeah, yeah...oh wait...oh...crap...uh...". And I wondered why it was so intimidating. So you ride a test and your horse does a crappy haunches in. Why is that so much scarier than your horse doing a crappy crooked halt after running through your hand at training level, or a sloppy trot transition? And god forbid you take a wrong lead at SECOND LEVEL...but if you look at the test- it's still just one move. I think it's easy to stay at training level because you can mess up and just say "Oh, well, we're just at training level". But I look at what the horses and riders doing a good jog at training level look like- and we're past that. Phoebus's frame is not that of a training level horse (beep beep- epiphany coming) EVEN WHEN I RIDE HIM. I know he can do collected and medium trot, and there's a distinct difference between them. I know he can do a good shoulder in. We can do collected canter well to the left, but need to work on the right. He can do counter canter, but I need to work on making it smoother and not rushed. That means our halts need work, reinbacks need work, and we need to learn travers ( is that haunches in?). I know HE can do good walk to canter transitions, but it's something *I* need to work on- I need to get my canter transitions superb, and I already know that. I think part of why I worry so much is that I know my transitions and canter work need to get better and better because as you get to higher levels you have to do so much more at the canter. But I know there's been some improvement, AND (another E coming at ya...) the reason WHY there is more canter stuff at the upper levels is because it's HARDER. Man, I can't believe how dense I am- this stuff should all be stone obvious but I don't think about it most of the time.
I want to ride Grand Prix someday. I've always said that. It's time to do something about it.